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Writing your Letter - Some Pointers Once you decide to write to me, what do you say and how do you say it? This short tutorial will help you to get started. Once you send your initial e-mail, I will help you by replying with questions that are specific to the issue that you are wishing to resolve. Since counseling is about relationship, it is helpful to write your letter as if you were talking to me. Some people may find it helpful to set up an extra chair by the computer and imagine that I am in it – I will do this when I am responding to you. If you find yourself having difficulties getting started (and if you are by yourself), you can even try saying whatever comes to mind out loud as if I was sitting there with you. Remember what you say, and write it down. Other people would prefer to think of writing to me and picture me in my office, reading their e-mail when it arrives. Whatever image you use, be sure to think of this as a personal letter to someone who is truly interested in what you have to say. You are unique and important and whatever you have to say is both worth saying and worth reading. Try not to judge yourself harshly and throw things out that “aren’t good enough”. Just write whatever comes to mind. Email communication is mainly black and white characters on a screen and it does not lend itself well to expressing emotion. For this reason, it is helpful not to get too stuck on correct grammar, but to type more as you would talk. You can also use symbols to show emotions. Here are some that I use often: :-) If you look at this sidewise, you can see that it is a smiley face. It means “whatever came before this was said with a smile” (Sometimes I also use this smiley face :-0) It has a bigger nose). You can also use make a frowny face :-( or :-0( The smiley face is important because the tone of voice that one uses has a lot to do with the meaning of what they say. If you tell a friend that he’s a jerk with a smile on your face, it can be a term of endearment, but if you’re frowning, then it has a different meaning… :-0) I also use the ellipsis points (…) quite often. They mean a pause, or something left without a conclusion… Another way to indicate an emotion is to put the word for the emotion in little brackets. Here is an example of using emotion cues in your writing: “Last night my mother called again <frown> but it went much better than usual <happy>. I remembered to just say what I felt and not get so stuck on wishing she would actually hear me - I don’t have to waste my energy going in endless circles trying to be accepted, and don’t have to get drawn into her guilt trips anymore. I mean, I still love her – she’s my mom after all, but I’m starting to see that I’m not responsible for her problems. I actually hung up this time… I feel free! <hurray!> … of course I don’t know how it will go next time. I was shaking all over and if she’d actually been there I think I would have lost it. She’s coming over next Tuesday – how am I going to make it through a whole afternoon with her? You see, sometimes I think I’m crazy, I just feel like I’m moving ahead and then those repeating recordings you talked about start playing and I start running myself down again. :-( Why do I do that? …” The excerpt above is completely fictional – but it is an example of using feeling words and writing in a conversational kind of way. You will find your own style – There is no “right way” – whatever works for you is the best way to do it. When you purchase a session, the first thing you will be asked to do is to send an outline of your question or the issue that is concerning you. The purpose of this is to let me know what you want to talk about, and also to give me some basic background to start with. It is most helpful if you can put your question into one or two sentences. If there is other information that you think is important and relates to the issue, add it in as extra background. Some important background issues to include: ** I will ask you more specific questions about these and other things when I send my reply. Here is an example of a question and brief background: __________________________________________________ Question: My wife doesn’t want to have the kind of intimacy that I do. She says she loves me, but she’s distant and not affectionate in the way that I want. I don’t want to leave the marriage, but I’m not getting what I need. What can I do? Background: We have been married for ten years and have three children, ages 9, 7 and 4. I had an affair a few years ago, just to try to get her attention I think. It just made matters worse. I drink wine with dinner most nights and have a cocktail when I get home from work and after dinner. I’ve been drinking more lately. Do I notice any patterns? hmm. I always seem to feel like I’m the one with no power in relationships. My first wife left me, and even in highschool I was the guy who got left - I didn’t do the breaking up. I wonder what that’s about? No health problems to speak of - I had pneumonia as a baby and spent time in the hospital but I don’t remember any of that... __________________________________________________ That’s it - you’re ready to get started! © Copyright Integration Point Counselling Services, 2007 |
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